Hey my loves,
Would you say you’re a people pleaser? I think most of us are in some ways, so today I wanted to touch on that!
Recently on the podcast I had a chat with Hollie Azzopardi, author of the People Pleaser’s Guide to Putting Yourself First.
To be completely honest with you, before reading this book I did not consider myself a people pleaser but after reading it, I realised that I definitely did have some people pleasing tendencies.
I want you to ask yourself:
- Have I ever said yes to doing something because of who asked me or because I didn’t want to say no?
- Have I ever done something because I feel obligated even though it doesn’t feel right?
- Have I ever put my priorities on the back burner for someone else?
- Do I feel guilty for saying no?
- Do you find yourself softening your opinion if you find someone disagrees with what you are saying?
- Do I have firm boundaries?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you may have some people's pleasing tendencies…
It can be so hard to break out of people pleasing tendencies especially if you are someone that feels super guilty or selfish when you say no to others.
Something that Hollie wrote about that really stuck with me is the actual meaning of selfish, by definition selfish means doing something to harm someone else or with ill intent. Putting yourself first or setting boundaries is not selfish - you aren’t doing that to hurt anyone, it may make some people feel uncomfortable but that shouldn’t be your problem.
Here are some prompts to help you make these decisions and hopefully set boundaries more easily:
- How does this serve me?
- Will this fill up my cup or drain me?
- Do I have the energetic capacity for this?
- Why do I feel guilty for setting a boundary?
- How will you feel while doing this thing for someone else?
- If I say yes to this, am I honouring myself?
Remember: If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
If you’d like to hear more about this topic I’d highly recommend the poddy ep with Hollie who is a boundary queen.
Love,
G x